Letters that were never written.Day1- Your Bestfriend

I was studying and needed a break to keep myself awake.PRESTO! I decided to blog.again. Once a friend mentioned about these 30 letters, 30 days thing that is usually done on Tumblr. Now I don't know why specifically Tumblr, but hey I decided to do it on my blog :D

So here's my first letter.

                                                                                                                                                                         

Dear BFFs,

I don't know what I would do without you guys. Even though we have not been meeting up as often, I think we are constantly thinking about the other and hoping everything's going on well.

K

We instantly clicked. I don't know what it was, but we were immediate friends. Remember all the HTL classes together and those dance practices? We did have a ball didn't we? I think I have always looked up to the way you handled problems. You are in control and you make sure everything turns out fine. You are independent and I have always admired you in that. Remember how alike we were in terms of looks in Sec 1? And of course, remember the time you came with your mum to see me? Seriously man, I had the best time of my life that day. I laughed till my sides ached and till tears rolled down my cheeks. And oh, I am sorry to say this, I still think your mum has better humor than you do :P

O

Ms Pretty Role model. That's what you are to  me always. I came to poly because of you. You were an inspiration and you still are. I used to have so much of fun watching you and K bickering :P Bicker about single thing. You are forever so modest about your achievements in school, but we know to what great heights you have soared. I am sorry that I was one of those who discouraged you from choosing poly is secondary school. I think it's the best decision you could have ever made. I am sorry once again, but teasing you is just so fun. Your funny reactions and how "vain pot" you can be when it comes to your hair. It so damn entertaining. But having said that, I always loved your sophistication-Now, now,  don't expect me to repeat that again.

S

Mum's the word for you. When we kids go out of control, mum always steps in. Remember my O level days? You were one friend who was there for me constantly. Day in, day out. You would pester me via sms to study properly and keep doing practice exercises. I really appreciate that man. And how can I forget you tutoring me IOChem? It was the best crash course I ever received. And remember all those nonsensical smses we sent back and forth? I still remember the one saying you were worried for me cause my sense of logic was going down the drain. And that I was heading towards woodbridge and that you wish me regards and farewell. Yes dear friend, I still remember that. I also remembering smsing you saying I fell in love with a teacher. But your parents saw it and I sent the second msg saying,"...in my dreams." Good times eh.

L

Has it really been 13 years since we got to know each other? And we had it going from the first meet right? We have certainly been through thick and thin, haven't we? Remember all those sleepovers? I miss your starry bedroom with the luminous night sky you had in your room. It was dreamy and falling asleep under the sky was just beautiful. Remember all our makeovers. We loved dabbling with make up with the help of Youtube tutorials. Remember all our music lessons? Man, we still tremble when Saturday night comes. And oh, remember our awesome bus rides to school? I loved them so much. They really made my mornings. Can't wait for our trip around the world!

Ah. I can remember so many more stuff that we did together. So many other sweet memories. Best Friends Forever might sound cheesy and corny but heck about that. I think it's so apt for us. :)

Yours truly,

Me.

There would be a point of time in your life when you learn to do things for the pleasure of doing and not for the acknowledgements. Even if it means that you are not going to get acknowledged for it or worse you are going to be seen as someone not responsible. For you know how much the work means to you. I think it's the point when you know that you have been true to yourself, heck about the others who didn't recognize it. All that matters is the fact that you know the truth.

BLEH :I

OK three things happened today (other than my math exam):

1st

I realized that I am falling sick. My throat's all itchy witchy. And my eyes are all droopy.Argh. This doesn't feel good. I WOULD HATE IT if I fall sick now. Now of all times when I need to hale and hearty. 

*Drowning in water*

2nd

SP is planning to start a new course that specializes in SOCIAL WORK AND HUMANITARIAN AIDS.

OMGGGGGGGGGG. You are kidding me right?! Like hello, you start it when I am about to go to year two.SP, you suck. SIGH. It's been just a week since I was talking about my future with a friend and I finally said it aloud, about what I want to do. And you throw this at me. Now I am going to sit through the next two years, seeing the new batch of students coming for THAT new course and I would be trying to put myself in their shoes.SIGH.Ok Nivedha, stop whining. You chose Biomed willingly. And oh, they asked us a suggestion for the course name and I put in Diploma in Philanthropy.Doesn't really sum up the course outcomes but yeah it sound nice right? DPT or DPL. I dunno.

3rd
I can't sign up for New York University (School of the Arts), Future Filmmakers workshop D: D: D: Damn damn saddddd. It starts in April and lasts till somewhere mid June. And it's on every Saturdays 9am-6pm. Two very strong reasons why I can't apply. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH. But it sounds so awesommmmmmeeeeeee. The students who attend the course get to make a short film and have a movie premiere. It would be like a red carpet event with the directors (the students), actors, crew attending the whole event.AND IT'S FOC. Damn. Now I am really upset. Who will get such a chance and reject it? Yes, the one and only Nivedha Ganesan will do that.


Horrible night eh.


Cheerio.

"If you really miss me, you come and see me."

Ok, I am  blogging cause I felt so sleepy and I wanted to continue studying. But obviously, I couldn't keep myself awake. Hopefully, this will freshen me up :D

Isn't the text below, so very true? I think I read it thrice. So very true.

I am definitely catching the movie :D And I am going to rewatch Black Swan again.

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher (Source)

“If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

Moving on

Today I got to know that someone who is of my age group, died yesterday. I never knew her personally. For that matter, I have never met her. But I have thought about her and had prayed for her well being. Not just me, all of us did. But I guess her time was up.

No one really saw it coming, everyone was hell bent on her speedy recovery. But sometimes what we get is different from what we want. I don't know. Maybe I would like to say God has bigger plans for her. Or maybe I would like to say she found peace. Or maybe it was fated. Whatever it is, the point is she isn't here anymore. I don't know whether she accomplished whatever she wanted to do with her life, whether she lived it to the fullest at least for a day. Have I ever done that? Have I ever gone to bed thinking, "Yes, today my life feels fulfilling. Today I am completely rid of regrets and worries. Today I am happy with the way things are. Not just contented but truly happy." Have I ever heard myself say that? There have been days when I have been happier than other days..but has there ever been a day when I felt if I died now, I would die without regrets and worries. Honestly,I can't remember.

Dear S, thank you for pressing the pause button in my life today. You made me pause and wonder and for that I am grateful. There was a time when I relished my life. But lifestyle and situation made it such that I stopped being grateful for the smallest of things. Thanks for reminding me about them today. Where ever you are, may you be blessed with love and affection.

Love,
Me.

Lovesick

Not that I am against V Day, but for a lack of a better title, I decided to use Lovesick. Yesterday was kinda fun I  guess. I felt like I was very happy, too lightheaded. Maybe it was the love in the air. We spent out afternoon doing presentations for the Microbio Experiment (I keep forgetting the term)..which went alright, other than the some weird questions. Lunch was made awesome by Min Li's *YUM YUM YUM* cheesecake! :D It had been quite some time since I had eaten a cheesecake and it felt refreshing as Adhi mentioned. I am not a professional when it comes to commenting about the food but for Min Li's I realized the flavour was fresh and that I loved eating it. THANK YOU MIN LI! You definitely had a lot of love coming from us yesterday :))

Chem whizzed past me. Usually I will be very restless by the end of the 2 hours. But by the time it was 4.50pm, I was pretty surprised. Ms Yulia was really really awesome and she gave us iochem notes for chapters 1-12, which is basically the whole thing. Handwritten notes! Can you believe it?! Not even my sec 4 teachers have done that for us. Ms Yulia, I really hope I make your efforts worthy and get a good grade from the test and exam. Thank you to all those lovely people who added more love to my day by giving everyone chocolates! :D

Ah. Then it was showtime. A couple of us from the YC decided to catch the Black Swan. Even though we were about 25 mins late, thanks to me and I am really really sorry about that, I think we quickly caught on with the storyline. Maybe I am a weakling who just can't watch such movies, but I do remember the tears that came due to fear for the character (weird right? afterall, it's only a movie) and I was hugging my bag for some sort of hold. The movie itself has so much to say about itself and it was only on the way back home I realized it was about schizophrenia, or that's what it was (I assume). I want to read the book. I think it will be in depth and give voice to all the questions that were raised. Can't wait to go looking for it.

Dinner yesterday was thumbs up! :D Totally didn't expect my mum to prepare candlelight dinner. Her menu was pretty impressive. Nothing too heavy but it was very filling. We had tomato basil soup, dim sum with lime chilli sauce ( which I think stole the show away), cucumber dill salad, potato rosties and apple lemon tea to complete the dinner. As for dessert, she made waffles with roasted cinnamon banana and ice cream. Amazing right?! It definitely was a treat :) Thank you Amma! :D (Not that she reads my blog.oh well)

That is pretty much how I celebrated V Day. I did miss the SMSS way of celebration with all the girls going crazy and the school being swamped with roses, chocolates, gifts and lots of hugs. It never felt like Valentines' Day, more like a crazy friendship day. Oh well, time changes and today was a good day too (:

Thus far, I have never really seen V Day as a day for couples. Maybe it's because I mostly spend it at school or home.But when I went out yesterday, I could see all those happy couples going out on their dates. Maybe it felt slightly odd or maybe it was because I was cooking up a story for each couple in my head. Not really sure. But whatever it was, I definitely felt the warm love from family and friends.

Cheerio.

Perks Of Being A Wallflower

"In this fast-paced world, we seem to constantly wish upon miracles. Getting immediate promotions at work place, being a star student in school, and climbing the social ladder are some examples of what we consider miracles. But, I wonder how many of us realize that the biggest miracle of life is to be alive and kicking for the moment and living it to the fullest." -Nivedha Ganesan

The quote about the wallflower reminded me about this quote I wrote ages ago. Back then, I wondered whether what I said is true. Is it truly good enough to be happy with what you have? Aren't you supposed to be hungry for more which will eventually lead you to success? But seeing this quote from the Perks Of Being A Wallflower told me that no, there's nothing wrong with being happy with what you have.

Credits to : http://clothescaptioned.blogspot.com/2009/01/perks-of-being-wallflower.html

Cheerio.

Whirlpool

I miss last year.

This year has been a whirlpool of emotions..and come to think of it..it's only been a month since 2011 started.I hope I don't screw up this year :/
I feel so scared of lagging behind,of not accomplishing what I set out to do.It's a feeling that makes me drown in sorrow and turmoil.It feels like age is finally catching up and I am truly turning and feeling 19. People around me have been expecting so much more from me. Heck,I am starting to have expectations on myself. That's the most scariest thing of all. I have always gone with the flow and never really pressurized myself to do anything. But now disappointment settles in heavily when I don't accomplish.

Tracy's leaving tonight and I am so very anxious.I don't know.It's really stupid I guess. I think it will settle when she settles down properly. As much as I am happy for her,the new and fresh beginning..I am also worried for her.Trace,I know this is a public confession but screw all that. I want you to know that I am always here,we all are and yes forgetting you would be impossible for me (: I really can't wait for July to come around!

Exams are around the corner and once again I am so very scared. I think I am going to stay back everyday to study in school.Gotta pick up speed.Jia You everyone! :D

Pekanbaru was bliss.I really had so much spending those four days at the estate.Away from technology and unnecessary disruptions. Spending time with nature made me realize how much I have been missing out in life.Sigh.IF ONLY Singapore isn't so competitive and harsh.

Random Thought: If I were to give up on you,it would be like giving up on myself.